Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
