So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
