you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
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why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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