Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
