whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
