it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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