Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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