What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
