Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
