no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize