I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
