1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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