I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
