What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
