you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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