You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
