i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
