The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize