its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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