remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
