Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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