I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Two words: nipple clamps
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