i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They took my balls.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
