Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
