We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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