Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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