i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is my gift to your gina
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
