the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
