Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish my penis had a tongue
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
