She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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