Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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