Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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