I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
