Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
