Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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