I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
