Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize