so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
