I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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