Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
