used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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