What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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