I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
