Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
