This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
