That's intense
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
