I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
