Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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