ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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