I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
