Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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