I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
