I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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