a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
