so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
