I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
