My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
