also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
