I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
