Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
