So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
