how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
