so that wasnt chicken after all
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
