I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
