so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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