I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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