Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
