don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
