just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
