Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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