I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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