fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
