She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
