You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
