Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
