omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize