I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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