yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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