what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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