It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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